June 2004 Archives

Could you please shut off my cable? Please?

It's been almost two weeks since my husband and I cancelled our cable as part of our "it's time to get serious" getting fit campaign. We've been doing pretty well with the healthy eating. But, you won't shut off our cable. And we know it is still on. So, we watch. And watch. And watch some more.

Last night, when I got home, did I do one of my workout videos? No, I watched a rerun of the West Wing on Bravo. And ok, to be honest, I got home kind of late, so maybe I wouldn't have worked out then. But the West Wing didn't end until 8 o'clock, so by the time I made dinner, ate dinner and walked the dog, it was almost 10. And what did I do then?

I watched TV, of course. I really need to stop watching MSNBC -- it is bad for my blood pressure. Last night that Scarborough idiot was on, and he had this logo up that said "Moore's Lies?" which, if you didn't listen to what the person was saying, would you lead you to believe that Mr. Scarborough was reporting that Michael Moore lied about something. It's very sneaky the way they do stuff like that.

I also managed to fit in the season finale of the Real World San Diego and an epsiode of Chapelle 's Show. And then the Daily Show at 11. I only stopped watching TV because I was tired and knew I had to get up on time today.

So, Comcast, I beg you, please pull the plug!

I had a very busy weekend, followed by an extremely busy work day, so I haven’t been able to get to my poor neglected blog. I’ve been thinking about it though. I just couldn’t pick what to write about.

Here are the highlights.

On Saturday I got up and walked Seamus and then went back to sleep. I love lazy mornings. Sometimes I struggle with guilt, because I can still hear my mom’s voice nagging me to “get up!” but Saturday was guilt-free. I got up around 10, feeling decadent, and watched a little TV with John. We still have cable, even though we cancelled our cable over a week ago. They still haven’t shut it off, and I keep watching it because I have no willpower. None.

I spent a lovely afternoon hanging out with Becky and Jon and assorted dogs at the pool. The weather was amazing – no humidity and not too hot. It wasn’t DC-like at all. And the pool was so nice – all tucked away in the woods and quiet. We got all caught up on work gossip (they’re former co-workers) and then just enjoyed the day. Luke the labradoodle was very offended by this Outback Steakhouse blimp that was flying overhead, and kept barking at it. Who knew a dog would even notice a blimp?
And we had delicious snacks. Plus they had C2, so I had to give it a try. It wasn’t bad. It didn’t have the artificial sweetener aftertaste that I hate so much about Diet Coke. I’m probably better off just limiting myself to the occasional real Coke, though.

On Sunday, I was reminded of all of the reasons I love my husband. We had a great conversation about our marriage, and past relationships and just, well, stuff. And then we went to see Fahrenheit 9/11. Which, if you’ve been paying any attention to what I say at all, you had to know I would go see. I think everyone should go see this movie.

Don’t like Bush? You’ll come out of the movie with even more reasons than you had going in.

Like Bush? Go see it anyway. There are a lot of facts in the movie that you just won’t hear about anywhere else. It may even change your mind, and if not, at least you’ll be making a more informed decision.

This was a hard movie for me to watch. I cry when fictional people are in pain or die. Fahrenheit 9/11 shows many real people in pain and dying. That’s what war does. But I made myself watch every minute, because those real people who are suffering and dying deserve at least that much from me.

So, you know how I was all braggy yesterday about what a great employee I am? That didn’t last so long. Today went something like this:

Arrived late as usual. (It’s ok though. I always stay late. Always.)
Eat breakfast. Whole wheat English muffin with all natural peanut butter. Very healthy. Read blogs while eating.
Chat with co-worker about:
a) how all my friends are getting graduate degrees
b) how we are outraged that Metro is forcing people to buy Smartrip cards to pay for parking because they can’t keep their employees from stealing money. Debate how this will affect tourists.
c) the horrible eating habits of other co-workers children as seen at company picnic, which I did not attend. (Note to Chris – I had an exemption due to two team members being on vacation. And yes, you do get in trouble if you don’t go. I missed the Christmas party two years ago because I was sick, and I got a very sharp email about it from the assistant to the Chairman the next day.)

Actually start doing some work. Get broadcast team their formatted copy and lists by 11:15 am. Still haven’t seen my tests and it is 5:08. What the hell are they doing?
Waste a lot of time looking for blue checkered folders that I’m supposed to use for jobs for my product. Someone is hoarding folders, and when I find out who it is, they will pay. Finally track down two folders buried in file cabinet.
Put new job into web design.
Put new job into ecomm.
IM Becky about hanging out tomorrow.
Go to CNN.com and find article about Schwartzenegger. Write angry post about how evil he is.
Eat lunch. Pretty healthy – cheese sandwich and salad. Write an email. Read gossip on Eonline.com. What's the deal with DMX?
Go visit a co-worker. She’s busy, but does have tootsie rolls on her desk. Yummy.
Start getting headache. Storms are rolling in. Make tea.
Can’t concentrate. Go to LongandFoster.com and look at housing prices. I can only afford to live in Thurmont MD, apparently. That’s practically in Pennsylvania! Start looking at townhouses. Get caught by co-worker looking at townhouses I don’t really want in a place where I don’t really want to live.
Talk to him about renewal reporting.
Feel grumpy and poor.
Talk to husband about Farenheit 9/11. Can't get tickets until Sunday.
Write document for direct mail team and pass it along. Feel very virtuous for completing it on time.
Perform boring data entry to track renewals, because I said I would. Am proud to cross that off my list.
Ignore several other items on the list. Feel guilty, briefly. Then move them to Monday’s list.
Melissa calls. Yeah! She’s coming in on Wednesday. Give her directions. Round up other people to interview her.
Mutter to self about broadcast team. Really, what are they doing?
Decide to write a blog entry, confessing that I’ve lost my gold star from yesterday.

I am never watching another Arnold Scwarzenegger movie. Ever.

I even liked the Terminator and Total Recall and some of the others. I didn't care for his conservatism, but I ignored it. Now, however, he has gone too far. Check out this article on CNN.com

My beloved Seamus was a stray. He was at the shelter for two weeks before I came in and adopted him. And he is the best dog ever. Not to mention that people whose pets wander away spend a lot of time looking for them, including calling shelters. Can you imagine if your pet ended up at the shelter and they killed it before you called the right shelter? Just because they didn't think it met some desirable pet criteria? What the hell does he have against birds, hamsters, potbellied pigs, rabbits, snakes and turtles, anyway?

Stupid animal-hating, planet-destroying, woman-groping asshole. I hope this backfires on him big time.

That sound you hear is me patting myself on the back. But I deserve it! I've been wonder-employee today. I was so productive. My list is in ruins. Stuff crossed off all over the place. And some of it was hard. I just started working on a new product that is all about options strategies. Talk about a confusing subject. (Don't worry. I'm a marketer. Not the editorial person. I don't have to understand, although it does help.)

Plus, I had a phone interview with a potential hire who sounds very promising. Who needs Diane the jilter? It's all about Melissa now. She's going to come in next week to meet people in the office, and we're all going to love her. Love her. And she's going to want to come work here, and not want more $ than I can pay. Oh, just let me dream, for a little while...

This day gets a gold star.

After that last post, I feel I should say that I have a much better relationship with my parents now. Sort of. They had an extremely unhappy marriage, which then made them unhappy, and it trickled down to make me and my brother unhappy.

They finally got divorced last year. My mom is so much happier since she left my dad. And it only took me something like 15 years to convince her to do it. Seriously. I knew she should leave when I was still in high school. But her being happier in general has led to us getting along much better. I think she still thinks I'm kind of a loser because I don't have a big house or a fancy car, but that's ok. I've made my peace with the fact that she and I have different opinions about how I should live my life. As long as I'm happy with what I'm doing, I'm cool.

My dad? Well, he's nuts. I resent the way he treated my mom, my brother and me, so that gets in the way sometimes. When he's not acting crazy, he's ok. We went to the ballet a few times this year and had fun. And he can be very sweet, like when he gave John and me a bouquet of roses with the thorns removed as a wedding gift. But sooner or later, the craziness comes out, and I think to myself, "Oh, right. Now I remember. This is why I don't like you."

I love them both, of course. They are my parents. And I love my brother. I miss him. He's off in North Carolina, probably for many of the same reasons that I stayed in Boston after school. But he's smart enough to get a job at school where they let him live in the dorm, so he doesn't have to worry about furniture. Hi Tim!

My futon couch is dying. I still hold out a little hope that we can fix it, but John is very pessimistic about our chances. Once of the main crossbars has broken off, and it is now held up by a pile of books. This is annoying because we’re trying very hard not to spend money. Also, it is a huge pain to move anything in or out of my place, which is on the top floor of my building. The building itself is at the bottom of a huge hill. And nowhere near the parking lot. We had kind of decided not to buy any new furniture until the glorious day comes that we can afford a house, and then we can have any new furniture sent there.

But what makes me really sad is, this is the first piece of furniture I bought for myself. Not only that, it is a symbol of my independence from my domineering family. My parents were not pleased when I decided to stay in Boston after college. Actually, they were downright hostile about it. All of my friends got things like cars and furniture and kitchen stuff and money as graduation gifts. The one thing I asked for was $150 so I could buy this futon and frame I had seen, because I didn’t have a bed. (And let me make this clear – my parents had plenty of money at the time. They had $150 to spare.) What I got was a lot of anger, yelling and dire predictions about how I was going to fail miserably and be starving in the streets in no time.

Naturally, this made me determined to prove them wrong. Even if I had been starving in the streets, I wouldn’t have come home, but luckily, it didn’t come to that. I still don’t know why they thought I was so useless. They had just spent a fortune to send me to one of the best colleges in the country. Anyway, I had an apartment, but no bed. I couldn’t sleep on the couch -- which naturally, belonged to one of my roommates -- that was already taken by our friend Ariane, who paid us discounted rent since she didn’t have her own room. Finally, Jules’ grandmother gave me this trundle bed she had, and lent me a dresser. I am a small person, and I barely fit in this bed. Still, it was something to sleep on, and I was grateful.

After a while I picked up a summer job working for the Park Service. As soon as I got my first paycheck, I bought myself the futon and frame that I wanted. It was so comfortable. And it was mine, all mine! (Did I mention that I was forbidden to take a lot of my stuff from my room in my parents’ house?) I took a photo of it and sent it home to my parents too. Jerks.

When I first moved in to my current place, I decided to buy a real bed and make the futon a couch, because my living room is huge and it needed more furniture. I’ve definitely gotten my money’s worth, but still, the thought of saying goodbye to my futon is making me a little sad.

Do you think it is possible to develop a 24 hour case of ADD? Because I can’t concentrate on anything today.

The day started off promisingly enough. I updated results from my current book renewal campaign. I love messing around in spreadsheets. That makes me seem even geekier than you already thought I was, doesn’t it? But my spreadsheets never hang up on me or send me snotty emails. Every once in a while they give me news I don’t want, but they are never rude about it. And I like taking a pile of numbers and turning it into useful information. It’s kind of why I like knitting. You start out with some balls of yarn, and then you turn it into a blanket or a sweater. Ok, to be honest, I’ve never actually made a sweater. But someday I’ll be a better knitter, and maybe then I’ll try to make a sweater.

See, I’m getting off track in my own blog! Where was I? Oh yeah, spreadsheet. Then I cleaned up some copy and sent it to Mr. Superior for approval. And then the trouble started. I’m working on some new copy (last chance to get your free book!) and I keep getting distracted.

First, I picked up some reports from my mailbox and started correcting all the details that are wrong on them. Forced myself to write another paragraph, stopped to look up a number I needed, and caught myself humming (Rage Against the Machine’s version of “The Renegades of Funk” if you’re interested) while examining my engagement ring, which looks like it might have some sort of build-up in the setting. Wrote another paragraph, which still needs a little work, and then decided that the little spotted dog on top of my computer would look better perched on my speaker. So I twisted him around so he could sit – I made him sit all slouchy like Seamus does – and realized I’d just spaced out again! I must focus, before disaster hits and I do something ditzy in front of one of my coworkers.

I am determined to have a good week. And I'm tired of writing whiny blog entries. I'm sure other people are tired of reading them. So, here are a few good things that have happened to me recently.

On Saturday morning, I ran a couple of errands I had been putting off all week. This made me feel virtuous for finally taking care of them, even though I was the one who kept putting them off.

I finally got caught up on my latest knitting project, which I had ripped out and started over a couple of weeks ago. And this time, it is beautiful and mistake free.

I'm lucky in that I live right next to a park. My whole neighborhood backs up to it. On Saturday night I was walking Seamus and we paused by one of the entrances to the park. There were so many fireflies in the woods that they were all sparkly and practically glowing. It was magical. I can see why people believed in fairies.

I started a new book which I really like. (Disclaimer: Not everyone likes my taste in books. I once singlehandedly destroyed a book club by picking The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, which I loved and everyone else hated.) Anyway, this new book is called Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. According to the book cover, it was a bestseller, but I missed it somehow. It's a collection of essays about the author's life, and he is funny. I mean, I was actually laughing out loud at some points. I think my favorite story so far is the one about his attempts to be an art major, culminating in a crystal meth fueled performance art piece at the local art museum. See? Not everyone will find that funny. I thought it was hysterical. But then again, I ran with the art school crowd at times.

Hilldery's work week:

Monday: Knowingly take action that will piss off Mr. Infuriatingly Superior.

Tuesday: Suffer the wrath of Mr. Infuriatingly Superior. Deal with the beginnings of the crisis that comes to a head on

Wednesday: Horrible day with much drama, misery all around and finally, at the very end, the blow that makes me want to hide under the desk.

Thursday: Poke head out from under desk. Win $25. Work on solution to problems that made Wednesday so horrible. Deal with attitude from Mr. Superior, who is going to make me pay for Monday's actions for quite some time. Start to feel better, but end up muttering to self about Mr. Superior while walking the dog, which is supposed to be fun time. I need to learn to not let people get to me.

Friday: Unsuspectingly come to work thinking the worst is behind me. Get hung up on by Ms. Unprofessional Baby (a coworker of Mr. Superior) when I tell her she can't run the offer she wants to run. I told her that yesterday, but I guess she didn't believe me. So she waits until 4:45 on Friday to call me, gets pissy when she can't change my mind, and hangs up on me! And goes to her boss, who calls my boss to say how unreasonable I am. I think the entire company might hate me. I'm actually a very nice, reasonable person. I really am!

So then, at 5:10, my phone rings. It's my new hire who is supposed to start on Monday. But another opportunity has come along and she wants to pursue it, so does she have to start on Monday? Sigh. Good luck with your other opportunity. We don't want someone who doesn't actually want to work here. So now I have to rescind my offer and -- ugh -- start interviewing again.

I'd say that next week will be better, but my boss is on vacation, and I just know that Mr. Superior and Ms. Baby are cooking up ways to make my life hell.

But I'm not going to think about that this weekend. I'm going to relax and put work out of my mind. No matter what!

This is totally stolen from Slate's Chatterbox:

This administration never said that the 9/11 attacks were orchestrated between Saddam and al Qaeda.
—President Bush, in an exchange with reporters, June 17, 2004

[A]cting pursuant to the Constitution and [the Authorization for Use of Military Force Against Iraq Resolution of 2002] is consistent with the United States and other countries continuing to take the necessary actions against international terrorists and terrorist organizations, including those nations, organizations, or persons who planned, authorized, committed, or aided the terrorist attacks that occurred on September 11, 2001.
—President Bush, in a letter to Congress outlining the legal justification for commencing war against Iraq, March 18, 2003

I wish there was some way that as you read these quotes, I could play that Henry Rollins song where he just yells "LIAR!" a lot.

Because, see, Bush lied. The people in his administration lie. And people are dying because of it. Hell, Cheney is still trying to connect Saddam Hussein, 9/11 and al-Qaeda.

Vote Kerry!

I'm not even sure where to begin describing how much I did not enjoy yesterday. It wasn't the worst day I've ever had at work. But it has made the top ten list.

First, I had an enormous amount of work to do. This is partially because I have a lot to do, and partially because on Monday I did the thing where you work on little easy stuff all day because you just don't want to work on the hard projects. So, I screwed myself there. And I came in to 15 emails from my boss that just added to the pile.

Then, well, my day went off track. I don't think I should talk about the details, since this isn't about me, but I will say this -- it's much harder to be a manager, and to try to be a good manager than I ever thought it would be. And frustrating when you try to help and just can't fix the problem. At times, I wondered if I was actually making the situation worse, instead of better. But after a lot of stress for everyone involved, we got things worked out in the end.

Only to have another (kind of related) bombshell land in my lap.

Which meant that while I did get some work done during the day, I didn't really get started on my work until 6 pm. And then I got to end the day with a big fight with my husband, who thinks I let my job take advantage of me (and who was also annoyed that he had to wait for me because he had the car yesterday.) We don't fight all that much, and I hate it when we do.

But we made up. And I'm working on the plan to deal with the bombshell that will make everything ok. Plus, I just won $25 on trivia at Recognition Day, and now I'm eating free pizza while I blog.

And, what did I see when I checked out my blog? Comments! Nice ones, from Claire, Chris, Zoot and Amalah! All bloggers I like. Go read them! You'll like them too, I swear. Amalah added me to her blogroll, so the number of links to my site has doubled this week! And she was very encouraging about me attending JournalCon.

So, today is better.

I’m usually a pretty even-keeled person. But today I’ve been all over the place.

This morning I was:

Worried about my Seamus, because he got really worn out last night after playing with another dog for just a little bit. I did not need a reminder that he is getting older.

Cranky, because my stupid stockings went on all twisty. I finally gave up and put on pants.

Pensive about my conversation with Jules yesterday. More on this later. I still haven’t sorted it out yet.

Excited, after I checked my blog and saw that I had gotten a comment from someone who I do not know at all. Naturally, I immediately checked out his blog. I liked it, and not just because he left me a comment.

Sad, for Amalah, whose dad is sick. I also do not need a reminder that my parents are getting older.

Anxious, because I did something yesterday that I knew Mr. Infuriatingly Superior, one of the people I work with, wouldn’t like. I was right to do it, but I had to tell him about it today. Which I did, by email. Cowardly, I know, but it’s not like he ever picks up the phone when I call.

This afternoon, I was:

Indecisive and clumsy at Whole Foods, where I went to get lunch. Nothing looked good, and I almost took out a whole display of baked goods and a guy at the sushi counter with my basket.

Thrilled when I checked the blogs I read while I ate my lunch (balsamic roasted tofu, herbed orzo and tomatoes) and saw that enthusiasticclaire added me to her blogroll list. It’s the first link from anywhere to my site :) Thanks, Claire!

Pleased by the way my boss backed me up when Mr. Infuriatingly Superior responded to my email. She said many nice things about me, including the most important point, which is that I was right.

Happy just thinking about the fact that my friend Laila is coming home for good on July 19th.

Guilty, knowing that while Laila wants to come home now, she’s had a rough year, and this isn’t exactly the way she had planned for things to turn out and I shouldn’t be so damn happy about it. So let me make it clear: I’m happy my very bestest friend from high school will be close by. I’m not happy about the circumstances that have brought her home.

Irritated by the fact that my electric bill tripled from last month. Tripled! I got some letter saying the rates were going up due to increased competition. Huh? Isn’t increased competition supposed to make the rates go down, because people can shop around for the best deal? Well, guess what, Pepco? I’ll be checking out the competition now.

And now I’m:

Looking forward to going home.We’re having takeout for dinner. Yummy!

Or, have I found yet another way to be geeky?

I had a couple of fun conversations yesterday. First, John and I discussed the measures we would take if everyone in the world got zombified, like in 28 Days Later or the new Day of the Dead movie. (Disclaimer: this is not something we’re actually worried about.) We debated different approaches -- I favored heading for the country, where the zombie population would be lower, but John thought we’d be better off staying put. How Seamus would be able to poop without risking zombie attacks -- we figure our nosy next door neighbor would try to talk to the zombies and get infected/bitten almost immediately, so we could just teach him to go in her place. How we would avoid notice – blacking out the windows and avoiding light at night. Then, Laila and I got into a discussion of the many valid points in my Day After Tomorrow post. (We also decided a) Jake Gyllenhal is cute, b) not too young for us c) Laila could totally take Kirsten Dunst in a fight.)

Anyway, after I got off the phone with Laila, I realized something about myself. Once the story (movie, book, anecdote, whatever) is over, I wonder what comes next. In fact, that can sometimes be the most interesting part of the story. For example, in The Day After Tomorrow, how many people survived the storm? Is everyone who survived in Mexico, or did all of those places that I think are really boring like Oklahoma and Kansas come through unscathed? Will they become the happening new places? Will people use technology to try to continue living in the more northerly places? What about Europe? I always wondered that about The Stand too. They show all this devastation in the U.S., but in the book, it mentions something about the military making sure the superflu spread all over the world once it became clear what was happening. What happened to all the people in the other countries? And back in the U.S., once the bad guys are defeated, does everyone have to learn how to be a farmer so they can have food to eat?

Do other people wonder about this stuff? Normal people, not the ones who do stuff like create fan art (a scary phenomenon I only recently discovered) or who write stories based on other people’s characters (which is wondering what comes next and taking it to a whole new level.) Where does the line between being a creative and imaginative person and just plain being an obsessive geek lie?

And even more importantly, have I crossed it?

Taking care of business. That's what I've been up to, and it is the perfect antidote for feelings of insecurity.

On Thursday, I was way too busy working to worry about snubs, or project territoriality. I much prefer that. At lunch, I did manage to figure out how to get my blogroll posted. See the lovely "Blogs I Read" section in the sidebar? I did that, with a little help from the free code provided by the Blogrolling people.

And then I figured out how to switch to a different kind of comments format. I didn't like the comments that Blogger offered, so I found other free code from HaloScan that helped me switch to new comments. I'm sure it's not that hard to do, but I felt like a genius after I got it to work. John has given me one of his html books, so I'll be seeing what else I can mess around with.

I spent yesterday cleaning -- a little trick I learned from my firend Jules. If your life feels chaotic, bringing a little order to your surroundings can help. And it did. I vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, and did laundry. Then I rewarded myself with a little movie called Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Azkaban is my favorite book in the series, and I thought they did a good job with the movie. Very enjoyable.

Last night, while walking Seamus in the pouring rain, I decided that I should stop being a wussy and just go to the Journal Con thing. If I don't like it, I can always leave. And who knows? I might even meet some interesting new people.

Today I ran errands and then came home and recaulked my tub. I've needed to do it for months, but kept putting it off for some reason. Now I remember why. Spending an hour and half scraping out old, moldy caulk sucks. Yuck. But it is done, and my bath looks pretty and white again. For now, the mold/mildew is defeated.

And I went out and bought a bunch of healthy food. Salad stuff! Tofu! Yogurt dip! String cheese! I am now all about a) portion control b) not eating crap and c) regular exercise. It's time to get serious. John and I are cancelling the cable tv on Friday (we're paid up until then) and we are going to be super healthy all summer. We know what we need to do, and we're going to get up off our lazy asses and do it.

And that's what I call taking care of business.

I'm feeling very insecure today. And I don't like it.

I found out people went out to lunch and didn't invite me. Which naturally means everyone hates me.

My boss has someone else on my team running a test that I could do with one hand tied behind my back. Which is probably why she's having someone else do it, so they can learn, but it is bugging me.

I read about this Journal Con blogger's convention that is going to be right here in DC in August. And I'd kind of like to go. But I've only had a blog for approximately 5.2 seconds, and the other bloggers might think I'm total poser.

Which makes me irritated with myself, because why do I care what other people think?

And then I got all worried because my friends are far away and they are going to get mad at me because I can't afford to go see them. I really want to -- I miss them all. I just can't. Not until August, when I get my stock options check. Then I'll pay off the evil credit cards and start saving money for travel. And stuff. I'm not hugely possesion-oriented, but it would be nice to, say, see a book that looked interesting and buy it instead of waiting for two years for it to show up at the library.

And of course, I feel fat. Which, let's face it, is because I need to lose weight. But it is adding to the insecurity factor.

Grrr. I need to snap out of this.

My friend Julie just sent me the "photos" from her sonogram. I've known she was pregnant for a while, but for some reason, seeing the baby just makes it so real. You can totally tell it is a baby too. I'm getting all misty eyed.

So Julie, lots of love to you and your gorgeous, gorgeous baby :)

Hill

The Washington Post is backing me up about Reagan:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A26306-2004Jun8.html

Because I posted the rant about Reagan. And I stand by everything I said, I really do. But I just got handed a memo saying that they are closing the offices on Friday so we can go to the funueral procession or watch it on TV. An extra day off? Really? Ok.

No, wait. I wish I could post this memo. It is the exact opposite of my rant. And it says that Reagan restored dignity to the White House. I was unaware that Jimmy Carter was undignified. Ok, I'm back to being irritated. Conflict resolved.

And I get a day off!

I am so tired of all of the overblown Reagan eulogizing that is going on. Every conservative in the US – as well as a bunch in England for some reason – has gone nuts with the praise since Reagan died on Saturday. I realize he was the president for 8 years. And, despite the fact that I don’t think he was a particularly good president, he was an influential president. I think he deserves a State funeral, and all the pageantry and pomp, and circumstance that goes with it.

But the man was not a saint. He was an actor who was very good at reading the lines that his scriptwriters, I mean speechwriters, gave him. At least that’s more than good ol’ George W can claim, but it doesn’t make him the greatest president ever, which is what they’re selling. I don’t know how much of the policy making of his administration came from him. But there were a lot of seriously flawed policies that came out of his administration. Remember the “ketchup is a vegetable” decision? Everyone loves to laugh about that one. I’m sure it was a real barrel of laughs to the kids who were getting free lunch (and there were plenty of them in the Reagan years) and suddenly found themselves with less food. The next time you’re hungry, try making yourself a ketchup sandwich. See how nutritious and filling that is.

Then there are all of the typical conservative environment-hating policies. James Watt was a real winner as Secretary of the Interior. Iran Contra, of course. Reckless nuclear proliferation and brinkmanship. Remember the Evil Empire speech? I grew up during the Reagan years, and I remember, vividly, how my friends and I were quite sure there would be a nuclear war at some point. There was even a series of young adult books about life after a nuclear war, where the kids were trying to survive and find what was left of their families. How messed up is that?

In the 1980’s the rich got a whole lot richer, and the poor got poorer. The AIDS epidemic went ignored. The rise of crack led to record numbers of homicides and people in jail. The stock market tanked spectacularly in 1987. Social programs and education funding were cut so we could buy tanks and missiles and aircraft carriers for the Cold War.

There were a lot of problems which shouldn’t be glossed over in the hysteria over Reagan’s death. It’s not realistic. If have to listen to one more Reagan administration official gush, I’m probably going to throw up. Why isn’t anyone presenting the whole picture? Interview someone who didn’t like Reagan. The House and Senate were filled with Democrats who disagreed with almost every policy decision that came out of the Reagan White house. Where are they? Yes, plenty of people loved him and thought he was a great president. But plenty of people didn’t, and that should be recognized too. Because Ronald Reagan was not a saint.

I saw the movie The Day After Tomorrow this weekend. While it wasn’t the worst disaster movie I’ve ever seen, I just never got caught up in the momentum of the story. This allowed me to see all of the many, many problems with the plot. The special effects were very good – I’ll give them credit for that. Loved the ship sailing up 5th Avenue. The 80 feet of snow or whatever looked cool. But here’s what Hollywood has to learn…you need writers! You really do! Here, in no particular order, are a few of the problems I have with this movie:

1. People are holed up in the NewYork Public Library. All of New York has seriously flooded (ship sailing up 5th Ave, remember?) and then frozen solid and a freak blizzard is raging outside. So when Jake Gyllenhall tries to keep people from following the cop outside by telling them that they will freeze to death very quickly, why doesn’t anyone listen? He’s making sense, and yet the only people who stay with him are his friends, two librarians, and a homeless guy and his dog. Are we all really supposed to be that stupid?
1a. When the people who leave the library start freezing to death, they are still in New York City! It’s not like they all keeled over at once. Why don’t they go inside one of the many buildings that are all around them and try to get warm and wait out the storm?

2. The guys at the weather station in Scotland. Everyone says they are going to die when their generator runs out. Why is that, exactly? The folks at the New York Public Library don’t have one. There’s a whole of stuff they could be setting on fire for warmth.
2a. Then, the guys in Scotland break out the 12 year old whiskey because they know the end is near, and their toasts are “To England, to mankind, and to Manchester United?” I don’t think so. Maybe Man United. No way on the other two.

3. Dennis Quaid and two other guys head out to try to rescue the people in New York. They’re climatologists and they are the only ones who truly understand the storm, so they pack up a pick-up truck and head north. A pick-up truck? Wouldn’t a snowmobile make more sense?
3a. Naturally, they have to abandon the pick-up truck around Philadelphia. As they head north on foot, the somehow end up walking across the glass roof of a mall. They just wandered off the highway onto the roof of a building? Possible, but it seems like a stretch. I just think they could have come up with some more creative obstacles for the climatologists to run into.

4. The wolves. They show all these animals at the zoo going nuts before the storm hits. This actually makes sense, because animals are supposed to be able to tell about that sort of thing. But, somehow the wolves escape from the zoo and turn up later as villains. So, what, the approaching storm gave the wolves super zoo-escaping powers? What about the rest of the animals? If it was so easy for the wolves to get out, why didn’t the polar bears bust out of this half-assed zoo and frolic in the snow?

5. What was the point of the plotline about the mom (Sela Ward) getting stuck in the hospital with the little boy who had cancer? Nothing happened. She sat around looking sadly at the falling snow and at the little boy whose tumor was so bad that he can’t see. And then the ambulance guys showed up.

6. The president and vice-president are clearly supposed to be Bush and Cheney. Evil, environment hating vice-president who looks like he eats small children. Younger, confused president who doesn’t know how to deal with a crisis. Got it. So, when the big storm hits and they are evacuating everyone, the president stays in the White House until everyone else is gone, and then the motorcade doesn’t make it? First of all, no way would George W EVER put someone else’s safety before his. EVER. Second of all, this is the president. They aren’t going to have the best Artic trained military guys and all of the top of the line equipment ready to get him out? No, they’re just going to chuck him in a limo and head out into the snow. And why don’t they show the motorcade going over a cliff or whatever? That would be more exciting than the falling through the roof scene.
6b. Cheney would NEVER have a change of heart at the end of the movie and admit he was wrong. A heart attack, maybe. But not a change of heart.

And I’m not even talking about the science part of it. I don’t actually know if the science behind this movie is even remotely valid. My guess would be probably not. But I’m willing to suspend my disbelief for an hour and a half. Just don’t treat me like an idiot.

My day so far:

Woke up with a headache.

Seamus ate a ton of grass on our walk, making me worry that he's due for a seizure. Or that he's eaten too many cicadas and they are making him sick.

I'm a big fat cow whose clothes don't fit, making getting dressed for work a challenge.

The theme on my drive in this morning was "cut Hilldery off and then drive under the speed limit for no reason whatsoever." This happened multiple times.

Continue to struggle with the stupid email about the stupid book. Finally send it off to my boss who agrees that what I've written does not work and provides suggestions. Now I get to start over. Oh goody.

The person I want to hire is blowing me off, and my boss seems to be mad at me about it. Not my fault!

Headache lingers. Oh, fuck it, I'm getting a coke. I haven't had one all week.

I wander around Whole Foods in a daze, looking for lunch. Don't even notice one of my coworkers until she says hi. Then just can't work up the energy to be talkative, even though I like her. She probably thinks I'm a total bitch now.

Lunch was kind of yummy. Tomato soup and a salad.

Whining in my blog plus food plus coke is starting to perk me up.

But I still have to write that damn email.

Can I just go home?

What I have to eat: Lots of healthy nutricious snacks like pretzels, yougurt and a banana.

What I want to eat: Everything at the candy corner in my office. Mini Kit-Kat's, little Milky Ways, Tootsie roll pops and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I don't know why I can't resist the miniature candy. Particularly the Kit-Kats. Ooh -- and my all time favorite, the Rolo Bites. LOVE those little tiny Rolos.

What I should be doing: Writing the stupid email about the stupid book that no one wants to buy. I really need to come up with something good too, and I've got nothing. Nothing!

What I am doing: Obsessing about the candy corner and complaining in this blog. My theory was that writing something that had nothing to do with the boring book would get my creative juices flowing.

Oh, and the title of this post is funny if you're one of the 6 other people who ever watched that show the Critic, and remember the episode where Jay gets kidnapped by his own Misery-style stalker. Well, I think it's funny anyway.

Wait, I think I just had an idea!

That's right, I've been sorted. And I'm pleased to announce that I ended up in Gryffindor, the coolest of houses.

You can get sorted too:

be sorted @ nimbo.net

Here's how fabulous I am:

Congratulations on making Gryffindor!

Basically, you're brave, daring, chivalrous, and pretty much.. an all around good person. Of course, some see you as a goodie-two-shoes. But hey, it's true! You're really good at winning, and normally always come out as the hero. Everybody likes you.. except, maybe, the Slytherins. You're too perfect. No, really.. You're too perfect. It's annoying to watch you win, repeatedly. Oh well. Be proud anyway.

Gryffindors to Remember:

Harry Potter (the boy who lived..)

Ron Weasley (red hair, vacant expression.. we love weasleys!)

The whole damn Weasley family! (stop mating, already!!!)

Hermione Granger (you annoy me.. you know too much)

Albus Dumbledore (yeah yeah.. we all know this)

This is way more exciting than being an Elg, which is what I was in elementary and middle school. Although the Elgs always beat the Glens (I went to a school called Glenelg, and we got Glen vs. Elg points all year for stuff, cuminating in field day.) I was not so great at field day -- the 50 yard dash and the long jump aren't nearly as cool as say, Quidditch, but by some fluke I did get a 3rd place ribbon in the high jump one year. That must have been before everyone else got to be a foot taller than me.

Now I must go write an email convincing people to buy my product...I mean battle Lord Voldemort.

Last night I got my Wellesley alumnae magazine. It’s usually pretty interesting, and I like reading the class notes in the back. Occasionally it makes me feel like a loser, when there’s a write-up on someone who is a lawyer working for human rights, or someone else from my class who had an idea, got a grant, and helped 30,000 women in India get better access to healthcare. Meanwhile, I…uh…wrote a really good renewal email last week?

But last night was different. Last night I was struck by this longing to be able to do college over as the person I am now. I was such a scared little mouse most of the time I was in college. I made amazing friends. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change that for anything. But I was so involved in figuring out who I was as opposed to who my parents told me I should be and I was so insecure and so depressed for at least half the time I was in school that I really think I missed out on a lot of the benefits of college – educational and otherwise.

I didn’t get to know any of my professors well. I know I missed out there. I had some great professors, Linda Miller, Joel Krieger, and Peter Fergusson for example. I know they had a lot to offer and I wish had gotten to know them better. I got decent grades, but mostly undistinguished B’s. If I’d had more confidence, and a stronger sense of self, it would have been so different! Now I’d be one of those women who always has something to say, instead of the girl hoping the professor won’t call on her. And while I can’t say that I enjoy public speaking, I’d be able to give a presentation without being on the verge of puking or passing out. I’m sure you get much better grades when you aren’t green and shaking like a leaf while discussing Bernini’s portrait busts. I got involved here and there, but I never really committed to anything. Well, I’m still not much of a joiner, so I can’t say that would be different. But who knows? I’m more confident about what I like and want to do now. I did join a book club for a while. I do wish I had done a semester abroad. But I was a little crazy my junior year. I’m not sure if unstable in a foreign country would have been the best idea.

It’s not that I miss college. I love my job, and my life now. This isn’t some sort of nostalgia thing. I do not miss being up at 3 am trying to get a paper done. I don’t miss being required to take classes I don’t care about. Pascal anyone? Do they even use Pascal anymore? Although Jules and I did write a kick-ass “Choose Your Own Adventure” game for our final project. And we did get a ride home from campus po after finishing said project in the computer lab at 4 am when they had a keg in the trunk. Sadly, they did not share the keg. But I digress.

What will I do about this longing? Well, what can I do? Not much. And you could argue that the experience I had in college contributed to who I am today, so it's not like I wasted my time or anything. Perhaps, grad school...but not right now.

I am done with cicadas. First, there was the seatbelt incident. Then one attached itself to my shoe and would not come off. The weather was gorgeous on Saturday, but when I went out to lunch with my mom, we had to eat inside because of the cicadas. One flew directly into the back of my head. And now, Seamus has decided that the cicadas are some sort of buffet that nature has created for him. First, he just had to smell every single dead cicada. That’s a lot of cicadas, believe me. Then, he started snatching up the live cicadas and ptooey! spitting them out. Now he has progressed to eating them. Which is a) gross and b) not good for him. So now our walks consist of me yelling “No!” every two feet and him giving me a resentful looks that I won’t let him chase and eat the yummy cicadas. That’s fun.

I am also done with the Safeway by my house. I don’t understand Safeway. They spent a fortune to completely gut and rebuild this store and made it really nice. Then they decided not to bother staffing or stocking it. I went there yesterday, and no one had bothered to bring the carts in from the parking lot all day, so they were spilling out of their little cart corrals and into the lanes of the parking lot. After dodging all of those obstacles, I get inside the store and there are only three checkouts open. The lines are winding their way through the whole front of the store and into the aisles. Then they didn’t have two of the things that I wanted. It is always like this in Safeway. I was in there the other day when I felt sick, and had to wait in line forever to buy my medicine. That’s it. I’m never going in there again if I can avoid it.

And lastly, I am done with apartment living. The power went out on Sunday, and since I didn’t have my fan to block noise, the snoring of the lady downstairs woke me up. Yesterday, my other neighbor was blasting really bad music. She did turn it down when I asked, but I hate having to ask. And then there was lots of hammering going on in the building attached to mine. I want to live in a place where I can’t hear my neighbors snoring or watching TV or doing laundry. I don’t want to smell what they cook I certainly don’t want to know when they have sex, especially in their living room when I’m trying to watch TV in my living room.

What else did I do?

I worked on my new knitting project. I think I made a mistake though, and I have to decide if I can live with it or if I want to start over. John and I had fun hanging out being silly together. We got a Gentleman Jim’s pizza on Saturday. I did laundry, but ignored several other cleaning tasks. We saw the movie Troy. It was ok. I guess you’d say it had script problems, because the actors were fine, but I just didn’t care about them for most of the movie. Paris: spoiled and wussy; Helen: spoiled and shallow; Achilles: arrogant and in very good shape. The only character I connected with in any way at first was Hector. Also, it was very long, and sometimes I had a hard time telling who was killing who. But by the end I did get caught up in the story, so I’ll say it was ok.

Finally, I got sucked into watching the West Wing marathon on Bravo yesterday because I could not take watching one more war movie. Apparently that’s the only thing we’re supposed to want to watch on Memorial Day weekend, because that’s all that was on. I do not usually watch the West Wing, but what I saw of it yesterday was pretty good. I think they were showing the viewer’s choice episodes, so maybe I saw all of the good ones that there are. I’ll have to check it out one night and see.

On Friday, my network card died. I had no access to our network, no email, no IM and no internet access until 4 p.m. It was awful. I don’t know how people did my job before the internet. Not the e-business part. Obviously e-biz didn’t exist before the internet. But all the other stuff. Since I couldn’t get on the internet, I was focused on the more traditional work I had to do, and I still kept needing the internet. Is this stock listed on the NASDAQ or the NYSE? Need the internet. What price did we buy this stock at? Need the internet. Want to look at a back issue? I could walk up to the reception area and get a copy, but usually I just go on the internet. And so on. I must have double-clicked the IE icon on my computer 10 times on Friday before it finally sunk in.

Today I’m on a borrowed computer. Here’s a shocker: the crappy Dell computer broke down, and then the incompetent Dell people sent the wrong part to fix it. I hate Dell. If you feel you can’t resist their low prices, take a little tip from me. Buy the extended warranty. I know everyone says that is a rip off, but for Dell, you’re going to need it.

Anyway…so, no internet on Friday. And I am forbidden to blog from home right now. Apparently something I do with Blogger kills John’s Max Payne game. So, until the day that he finally finishes playing the 8 million levels of the game, no blogging from home. I thought he had finished it the other day, and I was so excited to think I might actually get to use the computer. But no, it turns out that he had only finished the intermediate level, and still has to go on and play the entire game again at the expert level. It looks exactly the same to me, but I guess it is harder. I’m not criticizing. I’m glad that video games make him happy. I even like playing video games myself. Not that I ever get to use the computer.

So, I haven't forsaken blogging.