I come from a long line of extremely anxious people. I have family members who are so anxiety-ridden that it is a miracle they can even leave the house. I try very hard not to be like them – all “whatever” and “that’s cool” – and most of the time I can pull it off. But in reality, I am not as laid back as I think I am. I’m just a champion represser. And it all comes back to haunt me sometimes when I try to sleep. Last night I spent a good two or three hours lying in bed obsessing about all of the things that could go wrong in my life.
It’s not anything new. I’ve had trouble sleeping off and on my whole life. I just can’t get my brain to shut off sometimes. In sorting through stuff after the move I came across my high school diary, which reminded me of just how long this has been going on.
In between long, rambling discussions about sex or not having sex, who to go to the prom with my junior year (as it turned out, no one, which was a bitter disappointment at the time, until I went to the prom my senior year and realized how lame it was. I did, however, have an awesome time at the after prom party my junior year. My friend Kim Davis and I got loaded at some fancy house in Georgetown and sang American Pie together, to the delight of the neighbors, I’m sure. I wonder whatever happened to her) adventures with my friends (Nancy Ellington suddenly decided she hated me, although we eventually made up – I even attended her coming out ball…Laurie Goldfarb, who would later introduce me to John, first introduced me to the old 9:30 Club and many a fine band…Mary Pat got a Mustang convertible for her 16th birthday…Laura Howard’s parents got divorced and told her right before the SATs…two of my girl friends got drunk and made out…Laila and I got fake IDs and discovered the joys of clubbing…and so on) and many a complaint about my parents is entry after entry that starts or ends with “I hope I can sleep tonight” or “couldn’t sleep last night.”
The more things change, the more they stay the same. I sure hope I can sleep tonight.
oh honey-- I hope yougot a good night's sleep, too. Hope you're not a teeth grinder too-- that's my problem. But peace of mind is the real ticket--- sending you lots of peace for a sweet and gentle weekend.