New Beginnings

That seems to be the theme I keep returning to this week.

First, at work. For the last four and a half months, I’ve been working on a series of…projects, let’s call them, that sort of fell outside my normal job description. Well, kind of, but not really. It’s hard to explain without details. But anyway, my point is, I was doing something different-ish, and it went very well, and now I’m handing it over to someone else and going back to focusing on my old job. But I’m coming at it from a very different place than where I was when I took on the new projects in September. I have more people reporting to me now, and being a good manager is not something I'm still working at. I have to take on a bigger leadership role on my team to take some of the load off of my boss, who has seen changes in her own role. I know I'm capable, but I have to change my focus. It will be my old job, but in a new way.

And then there’s the thing I’ve been obsessing about all week. My break from fertility treatments is coming to an end. Tomorrow I start with the new doctor. Actually, instead of the one RE like I saw before, this is a whole clinic, and one with a pretty good reputation. I’ve been wobbling back and forth between hopeful (new doctors! A clinic! More resources! Untried treatments! Better insurance coverage!) and a growing worry that it won’t make any difference. It’s been two and a half years of trying now. I started 2004 saying “this is the year I’ll have my baby.” I started 2005 the same way. Now here we are starting 2006, and I’m trying to believe that this year, it will really happen.