All or nothing

I spent the day at a diabetes education class, which was exactly how I wanted to spend my Saturday, particularly after the extremely busy week I had. Oh no, wait…that’s not right. I wanted to sleep in, go to yoga and then lounge around the house aimlessly, hanging out with John and Seamus, maybe doing a little reading, then perhaps taking a nap.

The class was fairly interesting, even though I didn’t particularly want to be there. Most people take it as a series of three classes during the week, but apparently most diabetics are shiftless layabouts who don’t have to work, because those classes are offered from 9-12 and 1-4. Not exactly convenient for those of us who have jobs 25 miles away. It was just me and one other lady who was accompanied by her very young, (possibly teenage) pregnant daughter. I think they thought I was snotty and a kiss-up for taking notes and asking questions, but then again, I may have judged them as being ever so slightly white trash, so we’re probably even. And yes, I can admit it, I was jealous of the pregnant teenager.

But anyway, I learned some new facts about managing diabetes and diet that I think will be helpful, and the lady teaching the class confirmed what just about everyone has said to me – I’m very young to have type 2 diabetes without being severely overweight. Just the luck of the genetic draw, I guess. But the thing I found frustrating about the class is that it was geared toward incremental changes, as if the people taking it would be resistant to doing anything to improve their health. And you know, even my endocrinologist was skeptical that I’ll be able to stick with a completely changed diet and exercise plan.

I’ve never been particularly good at doing things halfway. I’m either into a project 100%, obsessing about get it absolutely perfect, or really, I just don’t care all that much. But if I do care, well then watch out, because I am going to be all over every little detail. And what project could be more important than my long-term health? So don’t tell me that I only need to lose 10% of my body weight or that I only need to exercise 30 minutes a day. First of all, I’ve already lost 10% of my body weight, and it is clear that I have a long way to go. Second of all, I was getting 30 minutes or more of moderate exercise a day walking Seamus before I ever even knew I had diabetes, and obviously that wasn’t enough to keep me healthy. Incremental changes aren’t going to get me to where I want to be, which is managing my blood sugar and cholesterol without medication. Oh, and getting pregnant, of course, which means I have to lose enough weight that I can then stand to gain some back while I am pregnant.

Unless…perhaps they are using reverse psychology? Because if there’s one sure way to make me want to do something, it is to say you think I can’t do it. It’s almost guaranteed that you’ll get an “Oh yeah? Watch me.” type response. I can’t help it. That's just the way I am.