Warning: Tantrum ahead.

I had my follow-up visit with the endocrinologist today. My numbers supposedly look fine, although since I want to get pregnant, she’s considering putting me on insulin because we can’t quite get my fasting blood sugar under 100. I can get it right to 100, but not under it, which is good if you don’t want to get pregnant, but bad if you do. I can’t explain why, but that just makes me want to say every swear word I know over and over again in a no-doubt futile attempt to express my frustration with all of this.

Also, they weighed me. And let me say right now, that I have absolutely, positively, without a doubt lost weight. I am not imagining that. Clothes I haven’t worn since I got married four years ago fit me now. Clothes that I was wearing three months ago are baggy and some of my pants would actually fall off if I didn’t wear them with a belt. People at work stop me in that hall because they can see the difference. So it is clear that I am not delusional.

The last time I went to the doctor, her scale said that I had only lost 8 pounds instead of the 15 I thought I had lost. I was not pleased by this turn of events, but I figured that perhaps my old and busted 35 year old rusty bathroom scale was the problem, so I went and bought a new scale a day or two later. My new scale was a pound away from the doctor’s scale, so I decided that meant I was starting from the same basic place. Now, I weighed myself before my diabetes class on Saturday, and my new scale said that I had hit the magic really losing 15 pounds number. I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure how to judge what my beginning weight was, because I can’t remember if I got the number from the crappy old scale or my checkup in March. Either way, today they weighed me again and the stupid scale said that I had gained a pound since I was there six weeks ago. That is physically impossible. IM. POSS. I. BLE! And yet the doctor won’t give me any credit for the weight I know I have lost. It really pisses me off.

And once again, she was very discouraging about my diet and exercise plan. She seems to think that I won’t lose weight no matter what. And she thinks I’m lying about how much exercise I’m getting and what I’m eating or something. It’s really, really annoying, and I don’t like her at all. I am working very hard. I’ve completely changed my eating habits, my routines and my life to get control of this disease and I don’t need some woman who had talked to me for a total of maybe 45 minutes to be telling me what I am and am not capable of achieving. She even had the nerve to tell me that my goal of getting down to 120 pounds is unrealistic. I’m 5 ft 1. That’s more than I should weigh, but it is where I think I can get. Shouldn’t she be encouraging me to get as fit as possible? I’ll tell you one thing – if that scale doesn’t show that I’ve lost weight when I go in for my next follow-up in two months, I am picking the fucker up and throwing it out a window, Keith Moon style.

Posted by Bad Penguin at June 20, 2006 11:22 PM