November 2006 Archives

I was just chatting with my friend Becky the other day about what we thought the optimal time to buy a Christmas tree was. I thought that waiting until closer to Christmas was the right way to go. I’ve been thinking that John and I would go get our Christmas tree on the 15th, since I have that day off from work, and I thought going tree shopping on a weekday would be more fun and less crowded.

John, on the other hand, thinks we should get our Christmas tree this weekend. I’m worried that is too early, and that the tree will be all dry and yucky by Christmas. Of course, last year I was so busy with work that we didn’t get our tree until about five days before Christmas. As I recall, we got quite a deal, because by then they were trying to get rid of them. For all I know, that tree had been sitting around since December 1st, so perhaps getting a tree this weekend will be fine.

When do you get your tree? Or are you a fake tree person?

I heard a story on the radio today about a doctor in Kansas who has designed a diet that helps her patients with Type 2 diabetes (what I have) get to the point where they no longer need medication to control their blood sugar. This isn’t necessarily new news, although that’s how they presented the story. I had read that if a diabetic loses enough weight, exercises regularly and carefully manages what they eat, they could get to the point where medication is no longer necessary.

This particular diet, however, involves severely restricting carbs, and focusing on eating nuts, cheese and meat. Vegetables are ok, and fruit less so. I already keep my carb intake to 30-45 grams per meal, which is pretty low, although not as low as I think this doctor recommends. I try to include nuts in my diet, and I have no problem eating cheese. Mmmm…cheese. And I eat plenty of vegetables, but I’m sure there is always room for more. As a vegetarian though, the meat portion of this diet is right out for me. I was thinking about it on the drive home, and even if someone could guarantee to me that eating meat, poultry and fish again would help me become not diabetic, I wouldn’t do it. I don’t think that’s true, first of all, and even if it was, my reasons for not eating meat still feel valid to me. I think I am healthier as a vegetarian, even now that I’m a diabetic. And it is better for the planet. And I still don’t want another creature to suffer and die for my dining pleasure. If my choice was to eat meat or starve to death, I’d eat the meat. But as long as I have other options, I will take them.

And then there’s the flip side. If I absolutely knew for sure that my health problems would be solved if I never ate pasta, bread, beans, rice or potatoes, cookies, cakes or brownies ever again, could I give them up? Is life without bread and chocolate worth it if it means I don’t have to worry about my blood sugar anymore? Frankly, I think I’d rather add an extra mile to my runs or an extra half an hour to my workout every day than completely give up carbs. And technically, I’m not sure you can ever completely give up carbs. Even carrots have them. Cheese doesn’t, and I guess meat doesn’t, but my Exchange Planning for Diabetics nutrition booklet talks quite a lot about how diabetics also have to watch their fat intake, so I can’t run around eating cheese all the time. And how would I get any fiber? I like eating oatmeal for breakfast every day.

So, does my continuing vegetarianism and my clinging to my sugar, flour, rice, potato and oat consuming ways make me stubborn, smart or stupid? I guess we’ll find out when I finish losing weight and see if I can go off my medication.

My husband has many fine qualities. He’s smart, he’s sweet, he’s loyal, he’s opinionated, he believes in me, he cares about animals, he’s trustworthy and genuine and sincere, he’s hott (that’s right, he rates two t’s), he's doing the dishes while I write this, and he has the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen. But what I love best about him is his sense of humor. No one, and I do mean no one, can make me laugh the way that he does.

And so I say to you, Internet, that if you’re looking for dating advice, I firmly believe that finding a man (or a woman) who shares your sense of humor should be very high on your list. Tonight alone John has had me laughing so hard I ended up crying at least twice. No, wait, three times. I’m not sure the jokes would be funny to anyone outside the two of us, but really, that’s the point – they don’t need to be. So if we have a (hypothetical) scenario where I end up frantically quacking at him as a codeword to remind him that he doesn’t want to rise to the bait and quarrel with his sister, or if we construct a storyline for the 4th season of Prison Break where they become the new A Team (because, seriously, that show has gone beyond willful suspension of disbelief for fun’s sake into “let’s see what preposterous direction they take this in next.” And yet I’m still watching) and we’re the only ones laughing, that’s cool. Because we are both laughing, and with every chuckle, giggle and snort, I love him just a little bit more.

The last four days flew by, didn’t they? For me, they were filled with family, and friends and a whole of running around. It was tiring and sometimes trying, but I’ve been working very hard on focusing on being grateful that I have them all in my life. No matter how irritating they can be at times (and my dad alone can take that to a level you would not believe) I know how lucky I am, and I’ll take it.

Thursday was our usual tour de Thanksgiving, where we started the day at my mom’s house, helping her with the cooking, and dropping off Seamus. Then it was on to John’s mom’s house, where we ate the first meal of the day. After hanging out there for bit, we hit the road to John’s dad’s house, where we polished off meal number two. Finally, it was back to my mom’s house for feast number three. I liked that one the best because for dessert we had apple pie. Apple pie made by me, so I knew it would be good, and it was. And I’m very pleased to report that by sticking with very small portion sizes, I did not overeat and kept my blood sugar under control.

I wouldn’t want you to think we neglected my dad – he came out to our house for brunch on Friday. He always says he’s going to bring his girlfriend, but then he never does. I’m not sure what to make of that. And then I went to see Casino Royale with my brother and his girlfriend. I know a lot of people doubted that Daniel Craig was the right choice to be the new Bond, but I thought he did a fine job. My favorite part of Friday was that everyone came to us. I love living out here, but I do get tired of the fact that no one ever wants to come to our house. I think we covered a couple hundred miles on just on Thursday, and then we added a bunch more over the course of the weekend.

Saturday and Sunday brought more driving around and more time with friends and family. Oh, and I discovered that there is no one at the gym at 6 on a Saturday night. It was me, and two other people. I wasn’t completely sure if I liked it or found it creepy. But, my new running shoes continue to amaze and delight me, so that’s something. Somehow now the four days are over and it’s time to go back to work, which really isn’t fair. I think I’m more tired now than I was before I had four days “off”.

Fab Fact #1: My fancy new running shoes? Amazing. I was a little skeptical about whether or not new shoes would make that much of a difference, but wow, they really did. I like the inserts they sold me so much I’m thinking I might go back to get another set for my other shoes.

Fab Fact #2: My weekend starts tomorrow, hopefully somewhere near the time my offices closes at 1. Sure, I have to come home, make vegetarian stuffing, gravy and an apple pie. And then spend Thursday driving all over creation and eating three Thanksgiving meals. But it is still a long weekend, and I’ll take it. Plus I’ll get to see my brother and my friend Mary Pat, which is excellent, because I don’t get to see either one of them nearly often enough.

What’s fabulous in your world?

• I’ve been having trouble with my left Achilles heel when I run, so I went to get fitted for new running shoes at this place called Fleet Feet that my friend Becky recommended. Zoot also just got some shoes at the Alabama branch, so it was doubly recommended. And I have to say, they were very nice and helpful. Apparently I am an over pronator, which means my feet roll in when I walk/run. I have very high arches, but they are collapsing when I run, which is causing problems. So I am now the owner of a pair of Nikes built to give me stability when I run, stuffed with special orthotics to give my arches even more support. I wore them when I did my workout video at home tonight, and I can already tell the difference. My ankles felt studier, for one thing, and my feet really did feel better supported.

• I made chocolate chip cookies this weekend that turned out perfectly. Crispy on the edges, chewy in the middle, absolutely delicious all around. It was completely by mistake, too. The butter was still partly frozen, so I microwaved it, and it got all melty. The meltiness seems to have helped create the perfect consistency. And now you know the secret too. Now if I could just stop eating the cookies. I’ve had three since I came home tonight.

• John and I have decided to ditch Amsterdam from our trip and just focus on London and Paris. We're considering Versailles. I continue to get more and more excited about the possibility of this trip! I hope it works out for us.

• I think I’m going to have to give in and buy some new clothes before I finish losing weight, because I have virtually no clothes that I can wear to work anymore. I actually wore a lame and dopey looking outfit that was too big today because it was cold outside, and I didn’t have anything that fit and was warm. I’m discovering that almost all of my sweaters are too big, and my winter suits don’t fit at all. Naturally, this would have me shopping for clothes I don’t even want to buy on the worst shopping weekend of the year for someone like me. Someone who gets itchy in malls when they aren’t crowded and noisy, and practically breaks out in hives in the stores this time of year. I know, you're thinking "Oh, boo-hoo." and, yes it is a wonderful problem to have. But I don't want to buy a bunch of new clothes that won't fit me in three months. See? It is a dilemma. Edited to clarify: I am looking forward to a shopping spree once I finish losing weight. Just not before.

• This weekend I went to an art gallery lecture and show with my mom. I thought it was just some guy she knows through her work with the local Democratic Party. I was picturing some earnest hippy guy who painted at home in his spare time. Well, it turns out that she does know this guy through her Democrat connections, but he’s also an internationally known painter whose work sells for something between $10,000 and $18,000 per painting. A little out of my league, but I really liked his stuff. He’s interested in astronomy and had some interesting paintings showing light against the night sky, either with the moon or a falling star, or an image inspired by something he’s seen in his telescope. It was a very cool show. It was on the Eastern Shore though, and I completely forgot that my mom is terrified of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. Until she handed me the keys to her car and asked me to drive. Suddenly her reasons for inviting me became much more clear. I mean, I do like art, and it is always nice to do stuff like that with her, but I had wondered why she invited me.

• In other momentous news, after driving to the Eastern Shore and back with my mom, the perfect opening to talk to her about my infertility (which she did not know about. Our relationship is…complicated, to say the least) presented itself and so I sighed, gathered my courage, and told her. Not all the details, but she knows now, and it went ok.

Now I must go to bed before I eat any more cookies. They are in the kitchen calling my name, and yes, they really are that good.

John’s Auntie Bee and Uncle Bill are having a party to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary in June. And we’re invited. Guess where they live! London! And I think we’re going to go! As you can tell, I’m just a little excited about the idea. But I’ve never been to England, and I’d love to see it. I’m not sure how much time I can take off of work, or how long we can get someone to watch Seamus, but our early plan is to go to the party, spend a couple of days in London, head over to Amsterdam (one of John’s favorite places, and I’ve never been) and then go to Paris for a couple of days (because what could be better than Paris with the love of your life?) And that’s probably enough, because I don’t want to rush through any place. I’ve already been to Paris a couple of times, but I’d love to visit the Sainte Chappelle and Notre Dame again. And Montmartre. I love just walking around Montmartre, breathing in the Paris-ness of it all. Or, we could probably spend a whole week just in England, but John has been to England a gazillion times, and I wouldn’t want him to get bored. Still, there are a ton of castles and cathedrals I’d like to see in England, plus the British Museum, and the Tower of London (which technically is a castle) and Stonehenge and Bath and Glastonbury and, well, lots of places.

Maybe this is why our October vacation went awry…because a fabulous trip to Europe was in our future and we just didn’t know it yet. London, London, London! London, London, London. (To get the full effect, you should know that I’m chanting that in my head, conga-style.)

As I was leaving work tonight at 8:20 (roughly 12 hours after I left the house this morning, but sadly not 11 hours after I got to work as you might expect, due to a traffic jam. A traffic jam caused by the 17 accidents that happened because it was misty this morning. Sometimes I think they need to make the driving test harder, because driving in the mist really isn't all that hard. At least I got to have some fun -- I used my beloved Sidekick to send an email telling people I would be late for my 9:30 call. Am so very hip and 21st century.) I noticed I was parked near a car that is frequently still there on the nights when I work late.

It is a lovely red Porsche. It’s a Carerra and I’m really more of a [black] Boxster girl, but it occurred to me that it would be much easier to have high spirits when I come out of work at 8 pm if there were a fancy sports car waiting to comfort me after my long day.

Just a little something for my company to keep in mind if they ever have the urge to offer me some sort of exceptional compensation.

And yes, I know that will never happen.

Plus, a dream and a toaster, too.

When they say that exercise helps with stress, they aren’t kidding. I had a long, crappy day that had me wanting to dive face first into a vat of cookie dough. And then, right at the very end of my day, I got news that made me wish that I belonged to some sort of fancy gym that served cocktails.

Unfortunately, my gym is just the regular fitness oriented type, so instead I met up with Becky and we did 30 minutes on the elliptical and then 35 minutes on the treadmill. And miracle of miracles, I managed to run 2.5 miles in 28 minutes. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have kept up that pace for an entire hour, but at least I’m getting better.

In slightly older news, I had the oddest dream last night. I was riding on a train to go see the pyramids at Giza with my mom and my brother – and if you know my mom, you know just how silly the notion of her traveling to Egypt is – when our train was attacked by bandits. For some reason, I had our new toaster oven with me, and I was very worried that the bandits were going to take it. Interpret that one, Freud! Exactly what does the toaster signify?

Speaking of our new toaster oven, when did toaster ovens all become super fancy convection ovens with 27 dials and 15 different accessories? I like our sleek new toaster, but even as a fairly basic model, it is more than we need. All I want a toaster oven to do is toast stuff, roast garlic, and heat up the occasional slice of pizza. It does not need to be capable of cooking a meal for 12, provisioning a space shuttle mission or baking a pie.

I’ve been in a weird mood all day. I think maybe it partially due to the weather. It was cold and rainy and generally unpleasant all day today, which left me uninterested in venturing outside, but also unusually restless. Deepest fall arrived with a vengeance last night, grey and windy and rainy, particularly cruel in contrast to the glorious warm day we had. Even though my week had left me pretty much drained and exhausted, I got up yesterday morning and hit the gym for my run (4.92 miles. I definitely need to work on getting faster and more consistent in my running) and then went for a lovely short hike with John and Seamus. There are a bunch of state parks close to our house with really nice trails. Even when they are “crowded” by Frederick standards, you can still get the feeling that you are alone in the woods at times. And Seamus loves, loves being in the woods. It’s fun to make him so happy. And then we came home, had lunch and I feel asleep for an hour and a half. Well, I said my week had left me tired.

While I was sleeping the rain rolled in. It had stopped by the time I took Seamus out for his evening walk, but the wind was still whipping in off the mountains, sending clouds flying across the night sky and whipping up an army of dry leaves to scuttle ominously down the street behind us. I could still smell the rain in the air, and sure enough, it started back up again as we neared the end of our walk.

It poured all night, and this morning even Seamus wasn’t all that interested in being outside. So we cocooned ourselves up inside, and I ate some oatmeal and then read the paper for hours, and then flipped through some catalogs in search of Christmas gift ideas. Later I finished up a book I’ve been reading. I did not vacuum or do laundry, both of which were on my list at the start of the day. I just didn’t feel like it. Nor did I go to Target or the grocery store, both of which I probably should have done. I fought off the urge to bake. Something about cold weather makes me want to bake stuff, and I do have that fancy new mixer, just begging to be used. But I’m also still on this diet, see, so I didn’t bake a single crumb. Instead I went down in the basement and did my longest and toughest workout video. Not quite as enjoyable as baking and eating cookies or cupcakes or brownies, but it has its own rewards. And then it was dinner time, and now here I am, watching the Wizard of Oz on TV and still feeling a bit off kilter. Hopefully it will have faded by morning.

Me, on a night like this one, a year ago: Work ‘til 8, leave my office with at least 5 different projects that really needed to be done today still unfinished, be stressed out, pick up takeout on the way home, eat too much of it, probably include some kind of dessert, walk the dog, and then sit on the couch watching TV.

Me, tonight: Work ‘til 8, leave my office with at least 5 different projects that really needed to be done today still unfinished, be stressed out, come home, chat with husband, work out, get actual stress relief, cook quick healthy dinner, no dessert, then watch previously recorded episode of Lost.

Tonight’s itinerary has got to be the more healthy one, but at the same time, making time to work out and eating so late means that I stay up later than I should, have less time to spend with my husband and dog, and am just a little bit farther behind on sleep and rest and relaxation than is good for me. It’s a tricky line to walk, particularly when I am as busy as I am at work right now.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m ambitious. I love my job, and I want to be successful at it. I want the ever increasing responsibility, the new challenges and the high profile projects. And I don’t mind working hard to get all of those things. But at some point I’ve got to figure out how to balance it all. How to tackle the big projects without staying at the office until 8 pm regularly and getting myself stressed out. How to fit in everything I need to do and still stay healthy. Exercising regularly is an important part of controlling my diabetes, so missing a workout comes close to being like missing a dose of my medicine, and I can’t afford that. Yes, of course I can (and do) take a night off here and there, and hopefully once I get down to my goal weight, I’ll be able to cut down on the working out a little bit, because the thinner I get, the more stable my blood sugar should get. And who knows what will happen when I try to add kids into the picture.
It’s probably just as well that I take some time to figure out how to balance my life as it is now, before I go and complicate it even more.

How do you juggle everything that you do? Got any tips for me?

Mostly out of spite, I think, because I’ve pretty much lost all faith in the American political system. I do still firmly believe that it is our responsibility to vote, and try to make things better in this country. I just don’t think it’s actually going to happen. Oh, and I really, really didn’t want Ehrlich to get re-elected or Steele to get elected to the Senate (that’s the spite part).

Someone who reads this site recently brought up the fact that I don’t talk about politics much anymore, and I realized that is true. Somewhere along the line I lost all confidence in politics and politicians. Of course, that “line” includes:

▪ the stolen 2000 election
▪ the way that Bush decided to govern as if he’d been elected by a landslide instead of not actually getting elected at all
▪ 9/11
▪ the crass exploitation of 9/11 to put all sorts of loathsome laws in to effect
▪ the lies leading up to the Iraq war
▪ my fury at the way the Democratic Party laid down and played dead
▪ the disaster that is the Iraq war
▪ the thousands of dead American soldiers and the hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqis
▪ the disintegration of the US efforts in Afghanistan
▪ the bizarre election of 2004, which I still can’t believe George Bush actually won
▪ the widening gap between rich and poor
▪ the way the Republicans seems to actively hate the environment
▪ the focus on bullshit “problems” like gay marriage, illegal immigration (yes, the people who care for our children, tend our gardens, clean our houses and offices, harvest the crops that we eat, and construct the buildings we live, work and shop in, boy are they a threat), and getting the Ten Commandments posted in court rooms to distract us from what a mess this country is.

Even worse? That’s only a partial list. I think it all culminated for me with the lack of response to Hurricane Katrina. However legion my government’s faults were, I thought we could count on it in times of crisis. Obviously, I was wrong.

And this election season has done nothing to restore my faith. It’s been negative and nasty and while I voted the straight Democrat ticket, I’m pretty sure that even a complete Democratic majority will only make a marginal difference. They certainly haven’t said anything that leads me to believe that they have a real plan, that they are willing to stand up for what is right, really challenge the Republicans on policy and change the direction of this country. Are you going to fix the economy? Guarantee access to healthcare for all Americans? Get us out of Iraq? Do something about global warming? Prove me wrong, Democrats. Please.

P.S. Totally unrelated, but five miles, baby! Yep, today, I did it. It took me the full hour plus two minutes of the cool down period, but I got there.

If I were to assign a theme to my weekend, it would be “almost.” As in I ran almost five miles. And I almost made French bread.

On Saturday I headed to the gym with one goal in mind – to run five miles just to see if I could do it. I was pretty sure I could, and I’m still pretty sure that I can. I just didn’t get to prove it. I apparently need to run a little faster. The stupid treadmill cuts off after 60 minutes and forces you into the cool down program. I was so close! The problem is that I walk for a few minutes at the beginning to get warmed up, and then I had to walk for a couple of minutes when I was two miles in to the run. Since I run at about 12 minutes per mile, I can’t quite fit it all into 60 minutes. So I ran 4.77 miles. I’m determined to get to five miles though. It will happen!

Today I tried to make French bread. I got a new mixer last week – which sounds so ordinary, but it was an event that will go down in history as the one that my baking life forever. It’s a KitchenAid Professional mixer, which I’ve wanted for a ridiculously long time and happened across at a huge discount at the Williams Sonoma Outlet. I think it was so cheap because it is kind of an odd color. Whatever the reason, I got a $400 mixer for $249, and it is awesome. It’s like I’ve stepped out of my black and white Kansas farmhouse and now I’m baking in the Technicolor land of Oz.

The first two things I made with it, apple cupcakes with caramel frosting and pumpkin spice cookies, were virtually effortless and turned out delicious. And then today I decided to try to make French bread. The mixer was a kneading marvel, but the bread just didn’t rise properly. I didn’t proof the yeast because I had just gotten it, but I guess I should have. Anyway, I did make bread. It’s not bad, and it’s almost French bread.

And now the weekend is almost over. I guess I’m ready to go back to work. Almost.

I saw this story about Robert Jordan on Neil Gaiman’s site today. First of all, how come I didn’t know Robert Jordan was a pseudonym? I thought I was up on all of that stuff. However, that’s neither here nor there. If you read the story, you’ll see that one of my favorite authors has amyloidosis with cardiomyapathy, which sounds scary and life threatening and painful.

Robert Jordan’s books have entertained me for years. I read the first book in his Wheel of Time series back in 1989 after my mom picked up an autographed copy for me at Borders as a Christmas gift. I was immediately caught up in the story of Rand al Thor and his companions, and have eagerly bought and read every one of the books that followed. I tried to get one of my college friends interested at one point, but she sniffed and said “eh, he’s trying to be Tolkien.” Well, my deep dark fantasy geek secret is that I’ve never read Tolkien, or more precisely, I tried to read the Hobbit when I was too young to really get it, and hated the character of Gollum so much that I gave up on the book and never tried to read any of the other books. I do like the movies, so I keep thinking I should give it another try, but I haven’t gotten around to it yet.

So I can’t really say for sure that he isn’t trying to be Tolkien, but I can say that I’ve always liked his books and think they stand up just fine on their own. Last year, when I was in the middle of infertility hell, they became particularly special to me. I was getting up insanely early and sitting in traffic as I tried to get in to the doctor’s office for monitoring before work…spending hours (seriously, hours, plural) every day sitting in my doctor’s waiting room, waiting for my turn on the sonogram machine…then spending even more time sitting around the waiting room in the lab so they could give me yet another bruise in pursuit of my hormone levels…and finally coming home, feeling stressed and tired and lousy and bloated from all of the thousands of dollars worth of Follistim I was injecting into my stomach. And as I waited, for doctors, lab techs, for the days to go by to see if the cycle was going to work – I read his books and escaped to another world. They really helped me cope, and made a difference in how I felt. So I’m sorry to hear he’s having his own health problems, and I hope that his treatment goes well, and that he does indeed get to write his 30 more years of stories. I certainly want to read them.