I’ve spent most of the last two years trying, with some success, to get in shape. While I am most definitely fitter and healthier than I was when I first got diagnosed with diabetes, I have really struggled with the weight loss portion of the program. I initially lost a bunch of weight. Then I gained some of it back. Then I lost some of it again, but could never get back to my low. Then, this year, somewhere between my trip to London at the beginning, during which I actually lost a couple of pounds, and the end of May, I gained an unacceptable few pounds. I was already feeling pretty low and crappy about it. My clothes aren’t fitting the same, and I saw a few photos from the reunion, and I look heavier than I did in my London photos. Things took a turn for the worse on Monday though, when someone asked me if I was pregnant.

I don’t actually know who was more upset – infertile Hillary or the Hillary who just got called fat. I sort of stammered something, ignored the lame “Oh, because you look tired” CYA statement that followed (like they were going to say Oh, because you look kinda fat today) and fled. Since I neither hauled off and socked the person nor burst in to tears, I think I handled it as gracefully as I possibly could have. I know why it happened. Not only have I gained a few pounds, but I wore a really lightweight floaty top on Monday because I knew it was going to be about 100 degrees out. I suppose from some angles you might think it was a maternity top, but who the hell doesn’t know that you never ask a woman if she’s pregnant if you don’t already know she’s pregnant? I thought everyone had been informed of that rule. It was a really cute outfit, but now I might just have to burn it.

So anyway, I am, here and now, publicly recommitting myself to getting skinnier. No more sneaking off to Starbucks for iced Chai Lattes, no more hitting the vending machine when I get hungry at work, and no more skipping spinning class or making excuses because my knee hurts. Portion control, discipline and exercise are going to be the rules around here. I’m weighing myself tomorrow morning, and we’ll see (ok, you won’t, because I’m NOT sharing what I weigh with the world right now) where I’m starting from. Please wish me luck. I have the feeling I’m going to need it.

Posted by Bad Penguin at June 11, 2008 11:11 PM