As I mentioned earlier, my friend Jules asked me to bake her wedding cake. The practice cake I made was a lot of work, but in the end, pretty manageable and kind of delicious. The actual cake is turning out to be a different story. Should you ever consider making a wedding cake, please, please take a moment to listen to my advice here. When the moment comes that your friend asks you to bake their wedding cake, tell them, honestly, that you are honored they want you to play a part in their wedding. Explain how flattered you are that they think so highly of your baking skills. Then look your friend/sibling/cousin directly in the eyes…

...and offer to do a reading. Hell, offer to pay for a baker to make the cake. But whatever you do, resist the urge to say you’ll make the cake yourself.

Before I start to tell the saga of the cake, I want to make it clear that I do not harbor any resentment toward my friend. She doesn’t bake very much, and I’m sure she had no idea what she was asking me to do. I bake all the time and I had no idea what I was getting into with this cake. I had to buy equipment, because I did not have the right sized pans. I had to buy supplies. Lots and lots of eggs and butter and cake flour and sugar. I have spent a ridiculous amount of time stressing out about this cake and how it is going to get up to Boston safely. I have spent even more time actually making this cake. It is currently taking up two shelves in my refrigerator. I had to bake it ahead of time because the steps are so time consuming, but I’m terrified that I’ll be serving stale, dry cake on Saturday. Stale dry cake that is going up there unassembled and only partially decorated because supposedly it will travel better that way.

Then I’m going to do a quick assemble and decorate up there. In a strange kitchen, under a deadline. No pressure though. And that’s if the whole thing doesn’t disintegrate during the 8 hour drive up to Boston. I bought the biggest cooler I’ve ever seen, so hopefully it will stay cold, but to say I’m anxious is a mild understatement. Seriously, I now truly understand the meaning of the word “agita,” which previously was just something they said on the Sopranos.

Now, if you’ve read all of that and are still determined to try making a wedding cake on your own, I highly recommend that you read this book: Wedding Cakes You Can Make by Dede Wilson. It has been invaluable. Then learn from my mistakes.

1) Do not agree to make a cake that has to be transported 500 miles on a Friday night for a Saturday wedding. Particularly if you have to work all week.

2) Do plan ahead, which I tried very hard to do.

3) But plan for mistakes to happen. Buy extra eggs, cake flour and butter. You can thank me later. I think I went to the grocery store five times this weekend.

4) You’ll need more frosting than you think you will.

5) Believe the lady in the book when she says that your egg whites must be at room temperature.

6) Plastic wrap is your friend.

7) There is no shame in deciding (after having a tier completely disintegrate on you) that you don’t need to torte the cakes. Two layers per tier is enough, dammit.

8) Try to remember that it is supposed to be fun. Slap some frosting on the tiers that totally stuck to the cake pan and terrify your friend by emailing it to her as part of a progress report on her cake.

It's delightful, no?

I've had to bake the 6 inch tiers twice, I had a 12 inch tier completely fall apart on me (requiring more baking), and there was an incident with the meringue buttercream. There's still a chance this will all be ok in the end, but it is going to require an act of Congress or a request from the queen to get me to agree to bake a wedding cake ever again.

Posted by Bad Penguin at August 25, 2008 11:24 PM