Wednesday night is kickboxing night. If I’m feeling energetic and not totally hungry, I’ll stay for the short abs-focused class after. Kickboxing was fantastic as always. I even think I may be getting ever so slightly better at it.
There is this woman who first came to class last week, and who was there again tonight. Plus she was in the weights class I take on Mondays. She’s tiny and clearly very fit, without an ounce of fat and on top of that, she’s very nicely toned. Here’s the thing that’s killing me…I’m stronger than she is. I’m way better at the abs stuff, and I’m (slightly) better at the kick boxing, and I used heavier weights than she did in class on Monday. Why am I not a skinny, toned, compact person? I work out a lot. And while my eating is not perfect, it’s not terrible either.
I’m pleased about having evidence that I am fit. I’ve made so much progress since I first started working out, and that’s important. But damn it, I want to be skinny too. My doctor says my diabetes will always make it harder for me to lose weight, and I know it is harder for women to lose weight in general, but seriously, there’s got to be something that I can do. I guess for now, I'll refocus on eating better and then work out harder. I'm not explaining it well, but I'm feeling both encouraged and discouraged.
I too have pondered this travesty. After much soul searching and research, I have concluded that there is only one, inescapable answer -
- black magic.
yup. :)
I found the title of your post wrong - you're not frustrated about fitness, you're frustrated about your body. Your fitness is great, you are strong and in shape. However, this shape isn't your ideal one.
Have you heard of the Healthy at Every Size movement/book? I just bought the book for our trip so I can't speak too intelligently on it, but from what I understand it's the concept that you accept your body and work on making it healthier, not thinner. Sometimes they work in concert together, but not always.
I just wanted to encourage you to find peace in your strong, healthy body. You are managing your diabetes well, you are working out regularly. That is so admirable! I wish I could be as healthy as that. :)
Great comments above. Would it be too contradictory to agree with them both? :)